Well, that was definitely not how I was expecting this to all play out. If I’m being totally honest, I think KimiUso (again, that’s the abbreviation of the Japanese title, Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso) overdid it this week in a number of place, but the overall effect was a net positive, if just barely. The thing about going for broke each and every week, regardless of content, is that it means some scenes come off like the show is beating you over the head (sorry for the unfortunate idiom use) rather than just being powerful. There were a lot more of the former this week.
I don’t know what the hell whoever is in charge of the music was thinking at the start of this episode, but I’m fair upset about them wrecking Emi’s beautiful performance with the weird instrumental accompaniment that played along with her Chopin. I can’t even really begin to guess at the effect they were trying to create, but if it was an attempt to one-up the emotional heft of her performance last week, it was an abject failure. It drained the emotion of the piece and kind forced the whole flashback/recap sequence into a tonally strange area. Generally, I like the idea of using the recap to bring in some flashback moments (as opposed to the alternate of breaking up the previous episode’s scene proper), but the blame for the failure to connect lies almost exclusive at the feet of the music, as far as I’m concerned.
Now, if this hadn’t been about Emi, I’d probably be less angry, but I made no bones about how much I loved her character last episode. I’m already fearing that we won’t see all that much of her after this particular competition is over, so I wanted ever moment we had with her to be a good one—but stuff before the OP just wasn’t. And that’s a freaking shame because I actually did love the content. Everything from her elementary school self climbing to the top of the jungle gym to shout out her decision to her throwing away all her other activities to her first meeting with Oichiai to her secret desires—I loved all of the content. But through all that we were afflicted with the awful soundtrack, which really just ruined the experience of the scene for me.
Fortunately, Emi’s stuff after the OP didn’t suffer from the same abysmal soundtrack, letting the way she stomps off stage as if she was furious speak entirely for itself. Obvious observation incoming: Emi’s incredibly hot-blooded, and her performance was nothing but her summoning up emotion, letting it roll out and double back on itself and expand. It was phenomenally selfish, and beautifully generous at the same time.
And I love that she storms out to confront Kousei, and then realizes that she’s got nothing left to say. Everything she needed to tell him had already been said, and she’s smart enough to know nothing else she could say would be able to match her song. Bravo, Emi. Please come back to us soon.
Because Emi’s right—her performance (and Takeshi’s performance, but whatever) has connect with Kousei, made him feel again. They’ve both issued their challenges through their music, and so Kaori’s right. It didn’t matter what Kousei played because what he plays is fundamentally less important than the fact that he does play, and responds to that challenge. I like that Kaori has no illusions about this being a total triumph for Kousei. It’s just a step forward, she understands, a chance for time to become unfrozen.
So Kousei steps out on to the stage; and it’s kind of like the episode started to spin out of control without Emi on screen to guide it. Now, the trauma flashbacks start even before Kousei gets to the piano, which worked for me. This, I thought, would be the big step for him—overcoming all his fear and the weight of his past to sit down at the piano and play like a new person.
Well, I was wrong. While I really, really appreciate the layers of complexity that the flashbacks added to Kousei’s relationship with his mother, I have some real problems with the disconnect I felt arose between the information the show was feeding us about the past and the way Kousei’s current trauma is being portrayed. The first little bit we get is of him and his mom in the hospital. Kousei’s just won a competition and tells his mom that he’ll win as many as she wants him to if it’ll make her better. That makes sense, right? As a child, he loves his mom and wants to make her happy and have her get better. It’s childish, but understandable. So when he sees his mom sitting by the piano, he fears his old self and her expectations and the weight of trying to heal her coming back to him. But, he says, “Don’t waver. Don’t be afraid.” And I’m thinking, “Yes! Overcome! Overcome! This is what I want to see from this show!”
And he does, with the inspiration of Emi and Takeshi and Kaori. We get a quick peek in on Emi, who isn’t pleased to see that he’s still playing the same emotionless music as he was two years ago. But, here KimiUso takes another step towards nuancing Kousei’s relationship with his mother. Emi and everyone else who criticized his style of playing couldn’t see the reason he played like he did—to help restore his mother’s health, which he felt he had ruined. Guilt, then, was the primary motivation for young Kousei. And, then, after he shouts that he wishes she would die, it comes back redoubled when she does.
What I’m trying to point out is that everything that happened in the episode pointed to Kousei having huge guilt issues over his relationship with his mother. He felt responsible for both her decline in health and for her death—overwhelming guilt is the what hangs over him, what holds him back, what breaks him.
But the apparitions of his mother that haunt him make her look like a demon. In his visions, she smiles horribly, creepily, as if she’s enjoying his pain. Which is wrong wrong wrong all wrong. That’s not the projection a kid tormented by internally perpetuated guilt makes of the object of his trauma. She didn’t make him suffer out of malevolence, and he knows that. She didn’t take delight in his suffering, and he knows that, too. Why then should his visions of her indicate that she does? That being his perception makes no sense. Guilt is what hangs over Kousei, not the memory of an evil mother. What we see visually is at great odds with what we’ve been told by the actual story.
This is really a bit of a problem for me, but it’s less about the way the relationship was built and more about (surprise!) the way the visual language and direction of the show manifest Kousei’s interior reality for the audience to see. There’s a disconnect there, and it caused me problems. Yes, this is an issue I have with a creative decision. I think they made the wrong one in the way they portray Kousei’s mother. So, we’ll see where all this leads next week. Maybe we’ll get some more Emi!
5 thoughts on “Your Lie in April, Episode 9”
The visual “apparition” of Kousei-chan’s mother is probably the “black” part of Kousei’s memory. This may sounds vague and pretentious, but the one appears in his imagination is not his mother, but rather the “guilt” itself. Take a peek at the episode of the Kaori-Kousei duet. The more or less similar “evil” apparition came to Kousei-chan as well, but after a while, we saw him being taught with his mother, with love and care. Kousei-chan’s “guilt” is to his mother, so that “guilt” took form as his mother. Kousei-chan’s “true” imagination of his mother is actually the one that taught him with love. After seeing that “black” part, I’m 1000% sure we will see the “white” part next eps. I put all my bet and $5 to that.
That being said, I do think that the way A-1 executed that “black” part is a little overbearing. I mean, it’s not that evil in the manga Well, it’s still an intense episode that has a commendable (for a teen drama) development for me.
Maaaaan, all this talk about “Black” part really reminded me of this week’s Bleach. You read it?
And a nice review from you, like before. Expect me to visit your blog and comment every week in your Shigatsu review.
That’s a really interesting interpretation of the apparition that I hadn’t even considered. That’s really a compelling case in support of that particular visual representation of his trauma, but it seems that we are in agreement that it was overbearing. I talked elsewhere (on the CR forums, I think ) about the execution and how I really do feel like the show’s tendency to have everything be 110% dramatic 100% of the time really backfired here—if even just a few scenes had been toned down, the whole episode could have built up to that final, brutal (and painfully well-animated) scene. Instead, it was just a rush that felt more like the mother was “evil,” and less like she was a tortured soul. And while, yes, it is from Kousei’s perspective, he clearly didn’t see her as evil until the very end. And then she was gone.
& nope! I haven’t read Bleach!
Thanks for coming by and commenting; I’ll look forward to seeing you around! ^_^
“She didn’t make him suffer out of malevolence, and he knows that.”
Perhaps, perhaps not. We find out he was, in fact an abused child, physically as well as mentally. The subject of the abuse tries to make sense of things and Kosei is liable to come up with multiple, possibly contradictory stories to tell himself. The demon smile may have been a bit too far, but I had actually forgotten about that image after being so upset by the caning and the bruises.
So, for Kousei, In addition to guilt we know now we have anger as major motivator. Anger spawns guilt, built spawn anger, and so on. It’s no wonder his perspective is a skewed. I sure hope Kousei can find something less painful to move him forward, but with Kaori’s pile of meds looking suspiciously similar to his Mom’s, I’m not so sure that will happen.
This episode makes another synesthesia type reference, with music having taste as well as color. Perhaps this is merely metaphor for a deeper understanding and appreciation of the music.
And what the hell was that rhythm section under the Chopin, anyway?
I should have said ‘victim of abuse’ rather than ‘subject of abuse’ for clarity.
GAH I’M STILL PISSED ABOUT THAT FREAKING AWFUL RHYTHM SECTION A-1 FIRE WHOEVER WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT ATROCITY
I think the reason the smile image stayed with me was because I felt like it framed the caning as the actions of an evil woman, not as a really screwed up mother and musician. It contextualized her actions contrary to the other information we were being given.
But you’re right. It’s definitely more complicated than just guilt.
All this really just makes me want to see him overcome it all more. I genuinely do want him to see the light at the end of the tunnel and end up being the happy child he once was, able to play music capable of moving others. For Best Girl’s sake, if for no one else’s.