Early this morning, I awoke to find myself with a Twitter notification (among literally dozens) from my friend and fellow aniblogger Namhur of Fiction Realm, alerting me that I had been cast in the role of question-answerer for a number of anime-fandom related questions. Now, after my valiant retreat from 12 Days of Anime due to Toradora! taking over my blog in mid-Decemeber, I had been hoping for a chance to participate in another aniblogger community project. Additionally, I enjoy imposing my super opinions on what it means to be an anime fan on the poor fools of the internet world. So, listen up pigs! This is no mere answering of questions! This is a manifesto to the anime world!

Q1: “You are old, iblessall,” the young man said,
“And your taste has become very bad;
Oh, when have you last to a storefront been led,
One which much anime had?”

A1: “In my youth,” iblessall replied to the fool,
“I stayed away, oft out of fear;
“But in England I found HMV in Liverpool,
“Anime, and posters. No beer. [1]”

Q2: “You’re dumb,” said the dude, “As I’ve mentioned before,
“And have grown most uncommonly fat;
“So where do you watch anime—on the floor?
“Crunchyroll? Hulu? Funi…or that?”

A2: “In my youth,” intoned bless, closing out of nyaa [2],
“I frequented only CR,
“But now Funi and Kiss feed my greatest of flaws:
“My addiction to moegirls and stars. [3]”

Q3: “You’re a weeb,” said the world, “And a fool to use subs,
“With real life your fiction oft blurs.
“Now use Japanese, explain yourself, bud—
“Tell the first foreign word that you learned.”

A3:

Q4: “Please stop!” cried the pleeb, “I can’t take anymore!
“Ten hours I simply revile!
“Let’s talk animation, pictures, or gore!
“What’s the best anime style?”

A4: “I’m confused,” iblessall said, “I’m not sure what you mean.
“Animation’s best style, I guess…
“Ryouma Ebata, his stuff’s like, supreme,
“And I like BONES far more than the rest.”

Q5: “We’re now halfway done,” said Anno, while sighing,
“And I know my show you’ve not seen.
“So, I’ll ask you instead (and no whining or crying),
“What anime pet rules the scene?”‘

A5: “If I had to say,” mused bless,”I think…”
“You do,” Hideaki injected.
“…I’m really quite taken with Chu-Chu’s cute blink [4]
“Let him as best pet be elected.”

Q6: “I hate you,” said Hater, “Cause that’s what I do,
“I hate all your knowledge and stuff
“But I bet I’ve seen longer anime than you;
“Name the longest series you’ve toughed [5]”

A6: “It’s easy,” said bless, “For all there’s to do
“Is to check my Hummingbird.
“And looking, I see, at the top of the queue,
“Fairy Tail, quite well interred.”

Q7: “And the shortest you’ve seen?” smiled Maka, with charm.
“Please tell me which one that’d be.”
It’s a smile no harshness could ever disarm;
I confess, I was rather happy. [6]

A7: “Because you have asked,” bless valiantly said,
As he struggled to focus his mind.
For the smile she gave him had muddled his head—
“Black Rock Shooter, mein fräulein.”

Q8: “This is the end,” chortled Ragyo with glee,
“The final question of all!
“Before I do slay you for posterity,
“Name your favorite anime couple.” [7]

A8: “An impossible question!” he cried through the weird
Sensation of chakras being opened.
[——————————————–]
[——————————————–] [8] [9] [10]

For those of you who aren’t actually sure what just happened, here were the questions I was actually answering and which I’ll be passing off to Guy Shalev, Whemleh, and Wendeego. Mostly because I’m really proud of this nonsense and I want to make sure they see it.

1. When was the last time you went to a store containing anime?
2. Do you usually watch anime online? On what website?
3. First Japanese word you learned from an anime?
4. Best animation style in your opinion?
5. Best anime pet?
6. What is the longest anime you’ve ever watched?
7. What is the shortest anime you’ve ever watched?
8. What is your Favorite anime couple?

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[1] It needed to rhyme.
[2] I don’t actually torrent.
[3] I needn’t elaborate on the myriad literary allusions from which the final word of this stanza draws, most prominent among them: “Tvinkle, tvinkle, rittle starl [sic]” from Your Lie in April‘s twelfth episode.
[4] see; Revolutionary Girl Utena
[5] The word “through” has been redacted to preserve the rhythm of the line.
[6] This stanza depicts a fictional encounter.
[7] A technique known as slant rhyme, popularized by Emily Dickinson due to her lazy unwillingness to come up with words that actually rhymed with each other.
[8] The rest of this scene has been censored.
[9] Actually, I just got lazy.
[10] If you haven’t ever read “Father William” by Lewis Carroll, go do so now.